I love you. There are a million reasons why I do, and then there are also a million reasons that I can't explain. Because sometimes you can't explain love, can you? Sometimes, love is just that wonderful, amazing feeling.
You have done your best to give me all the reassurance that I need, I know. You're always so sincere, so loving, so caring. And even until now, your simple 'I love you's and 'I miss you's still makes my heart flutter. I am always looking forward to the next time I get to see you again.
But you know how dumb and insecure I can get. Dumb, because I stupidly look through anything that has to do with your past. (Just today, I read through your FB notes because stupid FB changed the profile layout and it was made visible to me.) Because each time I look through it, I realize there are still so much that I don't know about you. And then insecure me, will read through all our happy posts and moments together to make myself feel better.
These days, sometimes, unknowingly, I feel very apart from you. Because its as if we rarely have anything in common. I don't do sports, I don't practice music, I don't have any special talents, I don't.. I just don't do anything. I don't have big dreams, I don't have much of a goal to reach for. I've always have been just the typical average girl. All I want is a stable career that I love, a loving husband with a happy family.
I can't stand not knowing what to expect, which is why I hate changes. When I do have to face or make a change, I take a really long time to adapt to it. When I finally do, I'm at that comfortable stage where I just want everything to stay that way. I'm an awfully awkward person so I remain stagnant as I am. Some sort of a wallflower, being socially awkward as well. And that, I don't deny, makes me a very boring person.
As cliche as it sounds, there are times, that I feel that I'm not good enough. And even though you've said a million times, that I am, I really want to believe it. But sometimes I feel you'll get bored eventually. You're a person with dreams, and goals and aspirations. How would you fit me in with all your dreams? Even when I laugh off your crazy dreams, I still admire you for that.
So every day, I'm thankful and blessed that you still love me. But sometimes, I get scared and wonder how long it can last to love such a boring and insecure person. I'm sorry, I've just been wanting to get this off my chest, but I really had no idea how to put it into words. I know I'm difficult. But please don't give up on me.
I love you, baby. Very much.
