You know how you’re watching a movie, and you kind of already know how it’s gonna end, but you watch it anyway, just because? Well, that’s how it was with you. I knew it was only a matter of time, that it was gonna come out sooner or later. I knew how it was going to end. But I went on with it. I kept feeling the way I did because as selfish as it sounds, it made me happy. You made me happy. Now though.. you’re gone, and I have no one to turn to. Would I have chosen to do it all over again?
A part of me would have said no, because you ruined everything that I tried so hard and so long to figure out. And in the worst possible way ever. After 2 years of wallowing in misery and regretting my last relationship, I made the choice to open up my heart again, to you. And only the people closest to me could understand how happy you made me feel again, the feeling one can only get when one is in love. But just suddenly, you took all my love, effort, care and concern, and threw it away without a glance back. For someone else.
I was a disaster, you had no idea the emotional hell that I had to fight my way through for that few weeks. The kind of hell that even your friends told me that it wasn't worth it, for someone like you. But I did it anyway, because I didn't want to regret like the last time. And maybe that was it. I didn't regret. I fought 'till I knew that I had to let go. That was how I got over it so fast, because there isn't any ounce of regret (or love) left.
So if I had the choice, then yes, I would have done it all over again. Because every single experience with you, good or bad, changed me. I met new people, experienced new things/places and found the courage to have opened up my heart again. And because of this, I found new friends and love my old friends even more. And because of this, I'm at a place where I have to be.
This was over a long time ago but I had to get it all out. I needed to get it all out of my mind and save this piece of memory somewhere else. So that I can go back to it again, time to time, and remind myself of why I am who I am. I'd be lying if I say this doesn't make me more afraid to love again, but what good will that do? It's just the cycle of love.