ramblings

I have been thinking more than I should/could/would recently so here goes the ramblings.

's been more than a month since I've 'graduated' & I still have not found what I 'want to do'.
I get uneasy & afraid when there is no purpose, y'know? 's very scary.
And as much as I want to plan out my future, I have no idea where to start either.
I know most people who sees this situation will start judging & asking, so bugger off. Seriously.

I have always envied people who know what they want in life. Who doesn't, right?
Since young, my path have been given. Whatever that is given to me, I do it.

I never have much of a choice because I am a bottom-line average student.

Honestly, nobody knows how much I despise & look down on myself sometimes.

But then agn, I shouldn't feel so pathetic & I think 's damn pathetic to feel  pathetic!

I have always been slower as compared to others so I reckon I just need more time.

For now, I'll take up whatever suitable job offered (which I have found) while I'm figuring it out.

Sigh. All the dreams we used to make when we were kids, what happened to that 'determination'?
I have plans but it seems so unreachable now, no matter how realistic it may seem.
Degree holder & stable job by 23, settling down by 27, having kids before 30.
Time has never felt more precious but at the same time, I wna enjoy the time & youth given too.

I'm no longer a little girl anymore & I have learned to be more independent as each day passes.
If anyone knows me inside out, 's easy to see that I'm quite pampered. (Not in a materialistic way)
I have been living the life of what people expects of me, of what I think would be the 'right way'.
's time for me to start making decisions for my life, whether anyone else likes it or not.